


I'm Blind, but I'm Still Real

by jjeess001



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alistair being an asshole, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, Blind Dean, Blindness, Brotherly Love, Car Accidents, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Coffee Shops, Depression, Disabled Character, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Human Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Nightmares, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, will add tags as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjeess001/pseuds/jjeess001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is starting to forget faces and colors slowly. His happiness went away along with his sight. The world has gone completely dark, in every sense of the word. But when he meets Castiel, an awkward man that was too cute for his own good, the world doesn't seem as gloomy anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breathe (In the Air)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this fanfic! I know nothing about blindness so I'm sorry if anything seems unrealistic or is just plain wrong. So in this chapter or future chapters, if there are any mistakes please tell me!  
> Also, tags might be added or the rating might change. When I write stories, sometimes the story becomes something totally different than what I planned. I will tell you guys if something changes, however. But right now, it is rated teens and up because of language.  
> That being said, thanks for reading! You readers mean a lot to me and I'd love any kudos or comments. :) 
> 
> (Title: Breathe (In the Air)- Pink Floyd)

People stared at him as whenever he walked down the street. I mean he couldn't tell for sure, but he could just feel their judgmental eyes following him as he walks by. But Dean didn't care. He was a Winchester, and Winchesters didn't give two fucks about what others thought. So what if they saw him as a disabled waste of space that was so useless he could barely function through the day without Sam or someone helping him find his own house.

Ok. So maybe Dean cared a little bit.

He was walking down to the coffee shop he went to early every morning, except for the weekends because that was the day Ruby worked, with his arm around Sam's. He knew it probably looked funny, but it was easier for Sam to guide him around this way. And he usually bitched to Sam that he was fine with his stick, but Sam just wouldn't have it. Sam was always overly worried about his brother ever since the accident. But, hey. What was Dean supposed to do? Sam was just as stubborn as him, so he couldn't change Sam's mind or anything.

"Dean!" Charlie's voice called out to them when they came into the café. It was called the Warm Cup or something stupid like that. They had good coffee and pie, so Dean didn't complain.

"Hey Charlie," Dean called out to the direction the voice came from. Charlie worked almost every day at the café and he really enjoyed the woman's company. She was a geek, like him, and he loved talking to her. She was a little over-cheerful some days when Dean would rather crawl in a hole, and always try to force her happy mood on him, but nobody's perfect. 

"A black coffee and apple pie, as usual I'm guessing?" Charlie said. Dean knew that if he still had his eye sight and didn't need these stupid blacked-out sunglasses over his milky white eyes, he would've rolled them. 

"Nope. I want an espresso with extra sugar and one of those gluten free shitty pastry things that Sam eats. Fuck yeah, I want my usual," the sarcasm that slipped off Dean's lips was expected and he could hear Charlie's half-hearted, irritated sigh. 

Sam led Dean to some chair at a table, "Hey man, I hate to do this but I gotta run for a bit. I'll come back and get you in an hour? Did you bring a audio book?" 

Dean's eyebrows crunched up. Where did Sam need to go that he had to dump his blind brother at some coffee shop. "Where you going, hot shot?" He didn't mean to sound upset about Sam leaving, but he was a little hurt. Couldn't Sam just wait twenty minutes for him to finish his pastry to ditch him? 

"I forgot about something and I needed to be there, like, five minutes ago. I know, I'm a dick. Just promise me one thing?" Dean's silence was Sam's signal to keep talking. "Don't walk home alone, okay? I know you think you've got it and everything, but you're still a little rusty. It hasn't been that long and-"

"Got it, Sam. Just go," Dean interrupted him. Sam didn't have to remind him that it hasn't been long since the car crash. As if Dean would forget. 

But what Sam didn't get is that how is Dean going to get better at moving around on his own if Sam won't let him practice? Maybe walking home, with the risk of wondering out in the middle of the street and getting hit by a car (ha, that'd be fucking ironic), isn't the place to start. But he needed to start somewhere. 

Of course, Dean didn't say any of this. 

Dean didn't see Sam's face flush, as Sam said his goodbye. "I'll come back in a little under an hour. Just don't go anywhere, okay?" 

Dean didn't respond. 

As Dean heard Sam start to walk out the door, he heard him say to Charlie, "Keep an eye on him?" Dean guessed Charlie nodded or winked or something silly like that. 

"And your magnificent pie and plain old cup of joe is done! Bon Appetite!" He heard Charlie say to him as he assumed his order was laid in front of him. He simply nodded his response. His neutral mood was now spoiled and he didn't have it in him to even try to socialize. (Even with Charlie) 

He really hated this. He knew that Sam pitied him and thought he was nothing but a burden. He hated how he knew that people stared at him and kids pointed at him. He hated how he needed someone to hand stuff to him and tell him if he was about to bump into a wall or something. He hated how he needed some stick to know if he was about to run over a person. He hated that he needed to have books read to him. 

He hated being blind. 

Dean sat there for a while. He didn't have anything to entertain himself with, but he was too busy being stuck in his own head to care or notice. He was thinking too hard about what people thought about him, what he was missing, how he was a burden to Sam, and blah blah blah. 

"Sir?" A voice popped out of the blue, making Dean jump a bit in his seat, "Are you breathing?"

"The fuck?" Dean's voice was filled with venom. 

Dean could hear the man that just spoke to him gasp a bit at his cursing, not that Dean cared.  _Am I breathing? What kind of question is that?_

"I'm sorry to, um, interrupt you but I just wanted to make sure you were still alive." The man's voice sounded generally sincere. It was husky and deep. Dean imagined the voice to belong to a man that would be exactly his type. He didn't need to see to know this man was attractive. It was surprisingly easy to picture what people looked like just by their voice. But, wait. What did he just say? 

"Uh, yeah. Yep. My lungs are working just fine, thanks for asking. Why the hell are you wondering?" Dean didn't care that he was being a bit bitter. 

"Well... Your head was hanging down and I couldn't tell if you were sleeping or dead."

"Do you just go around watching people sleeping, then assuming that their little nap is actually permeant?" Dean chuckled a little to himself. Obviously the nice sounding man didn't find him as funny. 

"Sorry to bother you," was the last thing he said before he left. Dean scoffed to himself. 

"Hey, Dean. Don't be rude to Castiel, okay?" Charlie said to Dean, making Dean jump again. How do people keep sneaking up on him? His hearing has always been the best, blind or not thank you very much, so what was going on with him today? 

"Who-de-what?" 

"Castiel. The man who you were sassing. He's a good guy, I swear."

"'Castiel'? What kind of name is that?" Dean smirked, ignoring how Charlie calling him rude stung a little bit. 

"Missing the point."

"He asked me if I was alive, Charlie. Is he fucked up in the head?"

"Dean. He's a little weird, but his heart is in a good place. Plus he's dreamy." 

"Dreamy? You are calling a dude dreamy? Charlie, you dig chicks."

"What?! Really?! I had no idea!" 

Dean scoffed, which was Dean's way of saying the conversation was over. 

Charlie walked away, as soon as someone else walked into the café, leaving Dean alone once again. 

 _I don't give a fuck_ , Dean thought,  _I don't care that I'm rude or a charity case or whatever. And I definitely don't care about a dreamy man who has a sexy voice named Cas... Cas... Cas-something. Nope. Don't care one bit._

Ever since Dean became blind, it really made it hard for him to lie to himself. He was always stuck in his mind, which forced him to face up to some of his feelings and thoughts he spent forever burying. 

_But I don't. I don't care about Cas._

He couldn't even convince himself of his own bullshit, anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you left a kudo or comment, I'd really appreciate it :)


	2. Hey You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the next chapter! I thought I'd switch between Dean and Cas' POV every chapter or two. Please tell me if you liked this chapter? Comments from you guys are my motivation! :) Enjoy this chapter!
> 
> (Title: Hey you- Bachman-Turner Overdrive)

The man Castiel saw at the coffee shop was stunning. He had dark sunglasses on his face, keeping his eyes a mystery, but that didn't hide his beauty. The way his short, blonde hair was styled, his freckles that were scattered across his face and neck, and his amazingly built body that was slender but muscular. Castiel didn't know if he could find a more perfect person. But that was only about his looks.

Because the first impression he got of the man wasn't the best. He honestly, 100%, thought the attractive man wasn't breathing. It was his first time in the cute coffee shop, and he ordered a french vanilla latte when he saw the man sitting at a table in the far corner. His head was handing down and his arms were hanging limp to his sides. He was rather dead, dying, or a human doll-like-thingy. (Which was totally possible since the man looked too perfect to be real) 

Of course, the man was just sleeping. Why that possibility didn't come to Castiel's head was a mystery to him. So he had to go over and make a fool of himself. He couldn't help himself. The thought of the man being dead and no one noticing was horrifying. He just had to double check. 

But the man's reaction wasn't what he was expecting. The man was rude and grumpy. It made Castiel scowl and ruined his already foul mood for the rest of the day. 

 _Well that will be the last time I check up on people to make sure they're still living._ Castiel rethought train of thought for a minute. Maybe the man had a good reason to be weirded out, now that he thought about it. How would he feel if a total stranger asked him something like that? 

Oh well. Too late now. It's not like he will ever see the man again. 

But that didn't stop Castiel thinking about the freckled man for the rest of the day. It was the first time he got coffee before he went to work, and now had to go back to his boring ass job. He sat at a desk all day and did basically nothing. His coworkers were from Hell and his boss was ten times worse. He hated his job more than he thought he could ever hate something. 

He was so distracted when he got back, that he spilled his coffee on someone, tripped twice, and almost got lost in the building trying to find the bathroom (which is right next to his desk). 

_Stupid, rude, freckled man._

Castiel rubbed his forehead and decided that he was going to go home as soon as Naomi, his boss, would allow him to. He needed to go home, read his favorite book, and sleep for twelve hours. Or maybe the whole week. He just needed to get the freckled man off his mind. 

"Cassiel, I need those papers on my desk by tomorrow morning. No exceptions," Naomi's voice boomed from behind him. It startled him, but she was gone by the time he turned in his seat. 

"It's Castiel. Cas-tiel." He mumbled to the empty space. 

He sighed. There goes his plan for ending the day early. The work that Naomi wanted would take all night to finish on time. 

It ended up taking even LONGER than he thought, he was there the rest of the evening, and didn't end up at his apartment until almost midnight. He all but collapsed before his face hit his bed pillows. His dreams were filled with the man from the coffee shop. He dreamt that the man took off his glasses and his eyes were brighter than the stars. They were dancing together to a song he couldn't identify, but that didn't matter. The way he felt in the man's arms was comforting and it felt like they were dancing on the clouds instead of an empty room. 

What struck Castiel, however, was that the man's eyes were a vivid green color. 

 

* * *

 

Castiel awoke feeling refreshed, the dream he had last night permanently on his mind. It made him feel so happy and light, and he hasn't felt like that in a long time. He swore that the man was actually there, instead of just his subconscious coming up with the scenario. 

He had to see the man again. 

And if you asked him why, he wouldn't have a good enough answer. He wanted to see a stranger he met for no more than three minutes that was rude to him, and showed no interest in even becoming friendly acquaintances, just because he was handsome (no, scratch that, he was gorgeous) and was in his dream. That didn't sound creepy at all. 

But one thing Castiel was good at was being creepy (in the social sense). Many have told him that he was an awkward guy and didn't understand personal space. Castiel really didn't care, though. If he was socially awkward in other's eyes, then that was their problem. He was fine not understanding pop culture references or sarcasm at times. Sometimes it frustrated him when others made fun of him, but, really, he didn't care. He didn't need to put in the time to understand what others were talking about if they didn't put in the time to understand him. 

So he was going to find the man, creepy or not. 

 _Would he be at the coffee shop again?_ Castiel thought,  _Yesterday was a Friday, so maybe it was just him stopping in. Maybe I could just ask Charlie._

It was still early in the morning, but Castiel didn't think twice taking out his phone and calling one of his only friends. 

"This is the Queen of Moondoor, how may my services be needed this fine day my good sir?" Charlie's cheerful voice came from the other side of the phone after the second ring. 

"Charlie? It is Castiel."

"Yeah, no shit sherlock. I have caller ID, handmaiden." 

Castiel made a confused face, even though he knew Charlie couldn't see him, "Handmaiden?" 

"Never mind. What's up?" 

Castiel paused. How was he supposed to ask Charlie about the man? For all he knew, she has only seen him that one time and didn't get his name or anything. Maybe she didn't even remember what he looked like. "May I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"May I ask another?"

"Castiel..."

"I'll take that as a yes?" He paused again. How should he word this? "The man? The man with the sunglasses yesterday? I would like to know if you knew who he was?" 

Castiel heard chuckling from Charlie's side and was afraid she was laughing at him. Of course she wasn't, but that was just Castiel's first instinct. "Who, Dean? The guy that was mean to you? Yeah, I know him. He comes in almost every morning." 

Dean. The man's name was Dean. Why did that name sound so perfect for the man? It was like that name was made for him. 

"What time in the morning?" 

This time Charlie's response was silence. 

"Charlie?" 

"Why do you want to know?

Castiel was awful at lying. He was bad at it and felt squeamish whenever he did lie. Plus, he couldn't lie to his best friend, even if his life was at stake. He decided to go for the simpler answer, "I am curious about him."

"Curious as in... Interested? Sexually attracted? Wanting to do the nasty? Finally Castiel! Can I be the best man? Or uh... woman?"

"Charlie!" Castiel said in a horrified voice, "I am curious about him, that is all! I want to get to know him." 

"Yeah, well good luck with that." When Castiel said nothing to that, Charlie sighed, "Okay. Fine. Come to the coffee shop. I'm not working today, so we could talk over some hot chocolate? Good? Meet you there in ten!" 

"But wh-" Charlie hung up before Castiel finished his sentence. Oh well. He was too excited, knowing he was about to get some information to Dean. 

_Dean. The freckled man._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review to tell me what you thought? Thanks for reading! :) I will post the next chapter as soon as I can!


	3. Enter Sandman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took a little longer than the others to post. So I made it a little longer than the others, which I hope is a good thing? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please leave a review or kudo? Those really make my day :)
> 
> Warning for a bad nightmare. But don't worry, we don't find out what is giving Dean the nightmares just yet.
> 
> (Title: Enter Sandman- Metallica)

Charlie was sipping loudly as she drank her hot chocolate. Castiel, luckily, always had Saturdays and Sundays off work so he wasn't in a rush to go anywhere. Charlie and Castiel always spent their weekends together. They usually hung out at his apartment, seeing as it was bigger and nicer than hers, but they never really went to the coffee shop. Charlie owned it, but Castiel never really went there. Maybe it was always because she brought him her homemade pastries and got him coffee for free all the time, and if he went to the coffee shop he'd have to pay for all that stuff. It was easier to just get it from Charlie, herself, for free. 

They were sitting at the table closest to the door, and Castiel noticed that someone else was working today in Charlie's spot just like she said. It was a slim girl with dark brown hair and a devilish look to her face. She was pretty, but she looked like trouble. He was glad that Charlie was the one who ordered for them; Castiel didn't want to even breathe the same air as the sketchy girl. 

Charlie caught him staring, "Yeah, I know. That's Ruby. Don't stare, she might get angry and go hulk on you," Charlie laughed, "I hired her because she is a friend of Sam's. She has a record and is a bitch, but I respect Sam. Plus she begged me for the job and is actually pretty hard working, so whatever."

"Who's Sam?" Charlie never mentioned a Sam before. Was she nice? Maybe she was Charlie's new girlfriend. 

"Oh. Right. It actually has to do with what we were going to talk about, anyways." 

Dang. They were about to talk about Dean, so that means that Sam has to do something with him right? Was Sam _Dean's_ girlfriend? He was taken. Of course he was. A face like his? Who wouldn't want to go out with him. 

"It's Dean's brother. Super tall, like giant tall, but as soft as a kitten. His height actually scares a lot of people, but he is such a sweetheart. I've known him for awhile and meet Dean through him." Charlie said before she stuffed her face with a muffin. 

Ah. Good. So Sam is a guy and is Dean's brother. And he sounds like a nice guy, too. Good to know. And if Charlie noticed Castiel relax ten times more than he was just a moment ago, she didn't say anything. 

"So anyways. Dean. He is a piece of work. I love him like a brother, but all siblings fight right? He can be a huge dick most of the time. He can be real gentle and kind, sometimes, though. I mean, he has gotten worse since the accident, but that soft side isn't completely gone yet. If you could crack him, I bet you two would get along well. But he likes to make others think he's this big tough guy who has no feelings but anger and stuff. So that puts off a lot of people." 

The accident? Did something happen to Dean? Or maybe someone he loved died and that made him bitter. Castiel knew people who lost their significant other or a close family member, and it is the most painful thing to watch. Maybe that was why Dean was closed off to everyone. Castiel suddenly felt a wave of empathy towards the man. 

But there was still something that Castiel noticed that time that he first met Dean that was itching his brain, "Why does he wear sunglasses in doors? I say, and I quote, 'That only douches wear sunglasses in doors'. Is he a 'douche'?" Castiel used quotation marks in the air, causing Charlie to laugh a little. 

"Yes, I said that. But Dean wears them because he's blind, dummy." 

Oh.  _Oh._ Dean's _blind._  

Charlie laughed, "You really didn't know that? I thought it was pretty obvious." 

That would explain the glasses, the way he didn't look directly at Castiel while they were talking, and why the 'accident' made him more grumpy (assuming his blindness is due to the accident, Castiel didn't want to just assume). 

"No, this information is new to me." Castiel shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his drink. He could feel Charlie's curious eyes looking at him but he was a little bit embarrassed for not guessing about Dean's blindness beforehand. Whoops. 

"That's okay. But, as I was saying about Dean... I wouldn't suggest getting 'interested' in him. I know I was teasing you about it before, but I would stay away if I were you." 

Well that was unexpected. What was wrong with Dean that Charlie didn't want them hanging out together? Maybe Dean is secretly an ex-con or something and is dangerous if you piss him off. "May I ask why you say this?"

"He's just a tough guy to get along with. He's never had a long relationship before and used to be a bit of a man slut. Now he rejects everyone that comes near him. I just don't want you to get your hopes up with Dean. He's complicated. I love him but... You would have to be something really special for him to even consider you becoming his friend. I mean the friends he does have were before the accident, but he even lost a few of those because he keeps pushing everyone away. Do you see what I mean? I'm talking about people he's known for years and he doesn't even talk to them anymore." 

Castiel felt a pang of sadness for the man. He knew that Charlie was trying to warn him or scare him off, but this only made Castiel want to be Dean's friend even more. The man needed someone to talk to. From what Charlie was saying, it sounded like he was in a bad spot and he wouldn't let anyone help him. Maybe Castiel could be that person. Maybe he could-

"Oh, no. Castiel, no," Charlie interrupted his train of thought. 

"What?" 

"I know that look. Castiel, whenever you get your mind set on something you have that look. I'm telling you, Dean is a bad idea. He's a good guy, but I don't think he would be good for you."

"But if he wasn't so bad-tempered, he'd be 'good for me', as you say?" 

"Well, I guess but-"

"And don't you think that Dean needs more friends and someone to take him out of his shell?"

"Sure, but no one-"

"So why can't I try? Hm?" 

Charlie bit on her tongue and gave Castiel a frustrated stare. Castiel smiled brightly, because now he knew. He was going to help Dean if that was the last thing he would do. And it wasn't out of pity, or boredom because he needed something to do, but out of curiosity and Castiel's natural instinct to help others. So, Castiel was going to save Dean Winchester. 

 

* * *

 

It was one of those nights again. Dean was tossing and turning in his bed, and Sam could hear him from the kitchen downstairs. Many times, Dean has nightmares that makes him restless during the night and it wakes Sam. Usually he would just go downstairs to get a little midnight snack and, by then, Dean would've settled down. 

And instead of getting annoyed with Dean, he only feels sad. Sam knows that Dean is just having nightmares of the car crash. He never told Sam about the last thing he ever saw that made him so terrified to go to sleep at night, but it wasn't like Sam was going to ask. So Sam just had to sit by and hear Dean's feared mumbles and little gasps from fright. 

That's actually why Sam left Dean at the coffee shop the other day. He forgot he made an appointment with a therapist, named Pamela. He knew Dean wouldn't want to go, and he wanted to talk to this woman before he forced his brother here. So he kept it a bit of a secret from his brother. 

She was a great therapist. She was calming and welcoming, but still seemed to have a 'I won't take your bullshit' side that would be the perfect way to approach Dean. She didn't have that usual therapist vibe that was all about 'breathing' and 'finding your inner self' shit. (Dean would hate that). This therapist was looking pretty good to Sam. 

The conversation they had was really helpful, for Sam and how he could help his brother. She told Sam that he couldn't force Dean to go to therapy, but it was a good idea if he could convince him to go. She said that Sam shouldn't treat Dean like a charity case or different than he used to before he became blind. 

Then she asked him if he was okay and how he was handling all this. He told her about how hard it was to take care of Dean, who was always a bad patient. It was nice talking to someone. But the therapist wasn't for him. She was a better fit for Dean, in every way. And now that he got to talk to her and got a little advice on how to get Dean to go to her, he felt better approaching this. 

After the appointment, when he went to pick up Dean, he felt even more sure of taking him to Pamela. Dean was sitting in the corner of the café and hasn't even touched his food. It looked like you could see a dark cloud surrounding him, and he saw people actually go out of they're way to avoid him. 

So yeah. Sam was going to trick his brother to see this therapist. Sue him. He had to do what was right for his brother, right? 

Then, when Sam was walking upstairs, about to go back to bed because Dean was more quiet now, a cry broke into the silence. It wasn't exactly a cry you would hear when someone was sad, but more of a heart-stopping shriek you would hear when someone was in the process of being murdered. 

"Dean!" Sam raced up the stairs, still hearing Dean screaming over and over. 

He barged into the bedroom to see Dean looking like he was having a seizer and was screaming incoherent words. Sam stood there at the doorway and felt helpless. What was he supposed to do? Wake Dean? How?

But then Sam heard Dean start to say something. "No! No... No! Please! Dad! Stop it! Dad! Dad! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Dad! Watch out! Car! Dad!"

Sam couldn't listen anymore. He bolted to the side of the older Winchester's bed and started to shake Dean's shoulders. "Dean! Dean, wake up!" It probably wasn't the best idea, but it was the only idea that popped into Sam's head in the moment.

It, to some miracle, worked and Dean's eyes shot open. Sam was close enough to see that Dean was sweating and was breathing heavily. Sam, now moving on autopilot, started to stroke Dean's short hair as Dean started to realize he was home instead of whatever hell he was dreaming. Sam was whispering stuff like, "Dean, it's me, Sam. Your here with me, Dean. Your safe, it's okay". Dean's eyes were whipping back and forth, even though his eyes couldn't see anything anymore.

"Sammy..." Dean reached out, hoping to grab Sam, but missed. So Sam just reacted and pulled Dean into his large arms.

"It's okay, D. It's okay," he mumbled into his brother's shoulder. Dean smelled and his snot and tears (which Sam just noticed that they both were crying) were getting on his t-shirt, but he wouldn't let go of his brother for the world. "I'm here, D."

Dean let out a shaky breath, and they both ended up falling asleep holding each other.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Dear Prudence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter. I started the story and had a whole idea planned, but it just feels like it isn't enjoyable to read anymore. I might continue this, since I haven't even gotten to write any destiel scenes yet, but I'm not sure.  
> (Title: Dear Prudence- The Beatles)

Dean shoved his shades on and decided that he might as well get this over with. He walked into the kitchen, where he knew Sam would be in waiting for him. Sam was such a girl. A 6 foot 5 hybrid moose/human, but a girl nonetheless. After Dean's nightmare he ended up staying until they both fell asleep. Sam shouldn't have to stay with his blind, older brother after he couldn't handle a simple dream that wasn't even that scary. Honestly. Talk about pathetic. 

 _But it was scary. Hell, it was fucking terrifying._  

Dean shook his head and focused on what was going on right now. He was in the kitchen and Sam was making him eggs and bacon. (It wasn't like he could make them himself) Dean knew Sam was going to try and say something. The nightmare wasn't he worst ones he has ever had, but it was definitely up there in the top ten. And Sam, being the girl he was, was going to want to talk about it. 

"So...," Sam's voice came from right next to him startling Dean, "Last night."

Dean groaned. Every single time Sam did this. Did he really think that this time Dean would open up? This had to be, what... Sam's hundredth time? Dean wasn't going to crack. He wasn't going to talk about his nightmares, feelings, or whatever. Why didn't Sam give up already? 

"Don't do that. Seriously, Dean. We need to talk about this. You're only getting worse," Sam said with a stern voice. Dean didn't say it out loud, but Sam sounded a lot like John when he talked like that. And every time he did, Dean flinched involuntarily. Sam never seemed to notice. 

Dean scoffed, pretending that he wasn't remembering their father. "Fuck that shit."

"Dean-"

"No, Sammy. I'm not gunna talk about it, so why bother? Just screw off." 

"Dean, that's not what I-"

"SHUT UP, SAM!" Dean said as he pounded his fists into the kitchen counter. Not a good idea. 

"Dean!" Sam grabbed Dean's hands. "Why the fuck did you do that! Holy shit, I'm going to get some ice." 

Dean didn't feel anything in his hands, however. He didn't feel any pain or even the counter when he hit it. That bothered the shit out of him. It made it feel like he wasn't really there; wasn't really living anymore. When his sight left, so did the little life that was left in him. 

But Dean did feel the hot tears starting to stream down his face.  _Damn it. I've already cried enough for three life times._ He didn't raise his hands to wipe away the tears, though. He let them fall down his cheeks and down onto the table. It felt good to feel them and how they trailed his skin. 

"Dean." Sam came back and Dean felt a chilly feeling being pressed into his hands. "Dean, I'm here. I'm here if you need to talk. Okay? Dean, you're not alone in this."

Dean scoffed. Not alone? Dean has never felt more alone in his whole life. He was literally stuck inside his head, only surrounded by darkness. 

 

* * *

 

_"Here's his address. Sam will probably answer the door so be prepared for the third degree from him. But what are you going to do when you get there? I don't want you to just go up to his door and ambush them."_

_"I plan on asking if I may have a conversation with him because I'd like to get to know him. Is that not normal?"_

_"Psh, sure it is! Go for it, Castiel!"_

The end of Charlie and his conversation still rung in his ears as he walked to the front door of the house that was supposed to be the Winchester's. It was tall and painted a nice, neutral color. It didn't have any character and looked like almost every other house in the neighborhood. Castiel lived closer to downtown, so his apartment was smaller but he still liked to think that it had its own little edge that made it different from other buildings. But the neighborhood Dean lived in was too cookie cutter for his taste. Why did Dean live in an area like this? From the one meeting, and what Charlie told him about Dean, this seemed very out of character for Dean to live in. It was boring and decently from the town. 

He pressed the door bell, with shaky fingers, and took in how nervous he was. What was he going to say to Dean, again? 'Hi, I asked about you to my friend and asked for your address so I could talk to you. I swear I'm not a stalker.' Right. That sounded like a perfect idea. 

Before Castiel could change his mind, however, a large man opened the door. "Hello?" 

He was huge. No, that's an understatement. This man was a gigantic beast. He was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt with a v-neck. His hair was long and brown. "Does a Dean Winchester live here?" Castiel hoped the man didn't notice the tremble in his voice. 

"Yeah. I'm his brother. What do you want?" This was Sam? This guy was Dean's brother?! The only thing this man and Dean have in common was... Well Castiel couldn't tell. Maybe that they were both muscular, but that was the only thing he could think of from the top of his head. 

He didn't sound rude when he greeted Castiel, but suspicious more than anything. Which made sense. A strange man asking for your sibling and you are supposed to just let them in and ask if they'd like some coffee? 

"I would just like to speak to your brother. I met him in a coffee shop and thought he... could use a friend." That didn't sound creepy. No. He sounded like a normal civilian. Yeah, he nailed it. 

"You want to... Um. Look, man. You seem like a nice guy, but we don't need any charity. If you want to go help disabled people, there's a shelter a few miles away from town. My brother and I are handling everything just fine, thanks," Sam said defensively. And Dean thought that'd be the perfect time to grace them all with his presence. 

"What is this about shelters?" Dean stepped from behind Sam. Castiel noticed that Dean had a white, plastic cane in his hand. His bruised hand. Bruised? 

Dean looked like shit, to be blunt. He still looked attractive (Castiel didn't think there was a way he could ever look ugly) but he looked like he hasn't slept in days. He was wearing worn out jeans with holes and a flannel shirt that had grease stains on them. His hair was sticking up and, although he had his sunglasses on, he could still see the bags from under the shades. There were also tear stains on his cheeks, as clear as day. He was crying not too long ago. 

"Hello, Dean," Castiel's voice all of a sudden sounded solid and strong. Was it because of Dean's presence? No, it couldn't be. This man couldn't have that big of an effect on him in such a short time. They don't even know each other. 

The way Dean reacted surprised Castiel. His back straightened and one corner of his mouth went up slightly. "Cas?"  Cas. Cas? Was that a nickname? He's never had a nick name before. And how'd Dean know that it was him? Did he recognize his voice? How could he do that if they've only spoken once?  

"You know this guy?" Sam asked Dean, pointing at Castiel. Dean stopped smiling. 

"Uh. No. I mean, sorta," Dean stumbled on his words, "Just... Let the guy in. I could feel the cold wind from here. He's probably cold, right Cas?" 

Again with the nickname. "Oh, um. No, I'm quite comfortable. My jacket is protecting me from the weather. But thank you for your concern." 

Dean chuckled, and that stunned Sam, "You going to come in or not?" 

Castiel smiled and looked back up at Sam to make sure it was okay with him. Sam was still staring at his older brother like he grew another head, so Cas just shrugged and walked past him. "Thank you, Dean." 

He walked into the house and it was warm. It looked like how you would expect it to look, if you were basing it off how it looked on the outside too. It looked so common and plain that it made Cas feel sad. Everything seemed to be placed in a certain place. Nothing was misplaced or out of order. Were the Winchesters 'neat freaks'? 

Sam cleared his throat from behind him. "I'm Sam, by the way. Sorry about um.. You know. The front door. I didn't know you two were... friends." Sam seemed extremely awkward. It was so obvious, that Cas could even pick up on it. (And that was REALLY saying something) 

"Oh, you don't need to apologize. I understand. You have a lovely home, Sam." Cas said as he put on a smile. 

Sam chuckled. "Yeah. Well we needed to find a house that was easy for Dean to move around in-"

"Sammy," Dean interrupted them. His voice was laced with embarrassment and a hint of anger. Sam looked over to Dean, and Cas felt like he was missing something. 

"Anyways, I'll leave you guys alone. Um. Yeah, make yourself at home. The living room is right over there and... Food? I mean, would you like something to eat? Drink?"

"No thank you, Sam." 

"Okay. Alright. Um, Dean do you need help-"

"I know how to get to the damn living room, Sammy." 

Sam looked down at his feet like he was guilty of even suggesting to help his brother. Again, Cas felt out of place. "Okay, then." Sam said before he left to go upstairs. 

Cas looked to Dean. He sighed and signaled for Cas to follow him. 

They ended up in a bland living room, and Dean felt for the couch so he could sit. "So. Whatcha doing here, Cas?" 

Cas sat down on the other side of the couch and held his hands in his lap. "Well... I am friends with Charlie and asked her if she knew how I could contact you. She gave me your address." 

"Of course she did," Dean mumbled under his breath. "Any reason you wanted to talk to dear ol' me?" Dean's smile returned to his face. 

"I... Um... I wanted to...," Cas didn't know what to say. May as well go with the truth, right? That was Cas' modo, "I was interested in you. I would like to know more about you."

Dean's smirk flew from his face. " _Why?_ " 

"Because... Your personality is different from other people's and I'd like to know more about it. I don't understand the confusion here..." Cas felt his face flush. 

Dean ran a beaten up hand through his hair, and god that was hot. That shouldn't be hot. Why was that hot? 

"You're a weird dude." 

"I've been told that on more than one occasion." 

That earned Cas a laugh from Dean and Cas felt a warmth spread throughout his chest. Cas decided that he much liked Dean's laugh. He hoped he'd get more opportunities to hear it again. 

"Okay, Cas. You want to hang out with me. That's cool. But could we not do it in this house? I'm going to scratch my brains out because of the cabin fever I'm getting. Wanna go somewhere?" 

That confused Cas. "I thought you went to the café yesterday? Is that not going outside your house?" 

Dean chuckled, again, "I mean somewhere besides my house and that damn coffee place." 

"Then, yes. I'd like that very much, Dean." 


	5. Time Stand Still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your reviews. They really do help and inspire me to write more, so thank you so much!! This chapter feels more of a filler chapter for where I think I'm going to tell the story. It's just Dean and Cas starting to get to know each other a bit better before all the drama and stuff happens. I do have a better outline of the story than I did before, so hopefully it will flow better. So please enjoy!  
> (Title: Time Stand Still- Rush)

They ended up agreeing to go to some park Dean said he liked, that was only a few blocks away (according to Dean who has always had a bad sense of direction). Dean walked beside Cas, using his cane to see. Castiel watched him, fascinated with how graceful he seemed. He didn't look scared of falling down on his face or bumping into another person or anything like that. His ability to no longer see didn't faze him at all. His chin was held up high and there was a light expression on his face. 

But Dean's hands were also shaking and he bit his lip nervously every so often. And Cas didn't forget about how there were obvious signs Dean was crying earlier. So the whole 'I'm super confident' had to be, partially, an act. Maybe others wouldn't have noticed it, but Cas was starting to figure out that he liked noticing things about Dean. 

"So how'd you know my name, Cas?" Dean asked, breaking the comfortable silence. Castiel wasn't an expert, but usually silences between two people was awkward and uncomfortable. But with him and Dean, it felt like just something there. It wasn't tense or in the way or anything. 

"Well, I told you I talked to my friend who knew you. She informed me of your name," Cas said, still giving Dean glances every few seconds. "How did you learn of my name?" 

"Ha. Yeah, it was Charlie, too. Told me not to be a grump to you or something." This made Cas furrow his brow. Cas didn't think that Dean was being a...Okay he was being a little grumpy. So Cas decided not to comment on that. 

"You know I hate it when people stare at me." Dean pointed at Cas as if he was saying 'stop that'. But that couldn't be. Dean couldn't see so how could he tell Cas was staring at him?

"Wh...What?" 

"I'm blind. But doesn't mean my other senses died too. Your staring at me with laser eyes, I swear. Wait... You don't actually have laser eyes, do you? That'd be cool." 

Cas chuckled. "Sorry, but I do not. And as for the staring, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it."

"Nah, I'm used to it. It's fine, I guess." Dean was used to it? Oh. Right. Castiel probably wasn't the only person to think Dean was attractive. People probably stared at his beauty all the time. 

Cas decided to change the topic, "So... You live with your brother?" Perfect. Very smooth. 

"Nothing gets by you," Dean scoffed, "Yeah, I do. He insists since the... Yeah I live with him. What about you? Got some lucky lady at home?" 

 _He is asking if I am seeing someone. Why is he asking that? Because the topic is about living with other people or because he wants to know if I'm single?_ "No, no one. I used to have a cat, but she ran away some time ago."  _Why would he care about my cat? Why'd I mention that?_

Surprisingly, Dean laughed a bit, "Good to know." 

"Wait. I think we're here," Dean held out a hand to stop Cas. Castiel looked around but all he saw were more houses. 

"You sure?" 

"Positive. Is there a clutter of trees somewhere?" Now that Dean mentioned it, it seemed like the whole neighborhood ended when a little forest started. There was a little path that lead into the trees. It looked dark and sketchy. It seemed like no sun breeched the terror-trees and the air around it made it feel like it was warning people not to come closer. 

"We...We are not going in there, are we?" Cas' voice didn't shake. Huh. Weird because he felt like he was about to shit his pants. 

"Why? You scared, Cas?" A little smirk appeared on Dean's face. 

"What? No. Nope. Not at all." 

"Then follow me." Dean started walking ahead of Cas. 

"Wai...Wait for me, Dean!" 

The forest wasn't what it looked like from the outside. It was actually quite beautiful. The moment they started walking on the path, Castiel noticed how nicely the sun shined through the branches and landed on the forest floor. Or how the fall leaves blended into the dirt but still stood out with their colors. Or how the air smelled fresh and like crabapples. It felt like he left reality and walked into paradise. _The phrase 'never judge a book by its cover' can't ever be more appropriate in a moment than this one right here._

"Dean. This place is...amazing." Cas said to Dean who seemed to have relaxed much more than he was before. His shoulders were no longer hunched up as if he was trying to impress someone, but were lower and less tense. His back released all the artificial confidence and was replaced with real emotion. Cas couldn't see his face, but he'd bet there was a soft smile on his face or a frown showing that he wasn't actually as happy as he was pretending. Either one would be good, seeing as this place would take the Dean's mask down. 

"Yeah. There's a little park that nobody really knows about in here. I come here when I need to get away a bit. Plus I like the sound of my feet crushing on the dead leaves." Dean says with more life in his voice. 

"Yes. The fall leaves always looked so beautiful in this area. I've never seen autumn look this way before where I grew up," Cas comments before he thinks. Whoops. 

Dean hangs his head and stops walking. "Yeah, I bet." 

Again, Cas notices the mask is gone. If they were in public Dean would've made a joke and say something like 'oh yeah, they LOOK amazing' or something stupid and sarcastic like that. But not here. No, Cas could tell that Dean felt like he could let his walls down here. The real question...was why?

"You know I have two brothers. One works with me. Or-well-he works at the same place I work. His name is Michael and he is very respectable in the work place. But he dislikes me strongly," Cas rambles, trying to get the subject to change completely. But Dean still doesn't respond, so Cas just lets whatever is on the top of his head fall out of his mouth. Maybe he could distract Dean. "My boss, who I swear is a woman from hell, likes to give me too much work. She gives me extra paperwork because she hates me the most. I think it is because of Michael. He is the 'teachers pet', I believe it is called," Cas says and actually uses air quotation marks. Now Dean is facing towards Cas, to show he is listening, so Cas continues. "I like bees. Do you like bees, Dean? They are beautiful creatures. Michael makes fun of me about liking them all the time. I used to live with him, but I decided I wanted independence and left. So now I live alone. Oh, I was wondering if you went to the coffee shop often? I like their hot chocolate. I do not like Ruby, however, who works there on the weekends..." 

Cas talked and talked and talked. He told Dean about his cat, named Cat (only because Cas didn't know what else to name it, to Dean's amusement), about how much he hated his work, past boyfriends, and just gibberish. Towards the end, Dean was laughing his ass off and almost tripped multiple times from not paying any attention to where he was going. 

"Yes, yes, I know. It was rather embarrassing. I don't think I could ever look at a watermelon the same again," at this point, Castiel was laughing too. A real good hard laugh, as hard as Dean's. Which was rare for him and felt pretty nice. 

"Aw man, that is so bad. I can't believe you did that! I got something worse. This one time, I convinced Sammy he was superman and I was batman. He thought he could fly, and ended up breaking his arm cause he jumped off the roof! Man, my dad was so fucking pissed. It was hilarious though and so worth it," Dean said through laughing. 

"Oh my! But why didn't you jump off the roof?"

"Cas! First, why would I jump off a roof? I'm not as dumb as Sam. Obviously. And Batman doesn't fly!" 

"Oh!" They both laughed again. And even after they parted, going back to their homes, their smiles never left their faces. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was Monday, yay, so it was a work day for Cas. But that couldn't even ruin his day. He was still on a high from his time with Dean. He has never felt so happy when he was with him. And he's only known him for a day! 

As he was walking into his work, he paused. It was 7:30 in the morning. He technically didn't need to be at his desk until 8. He was always early, since he was so scared of looking bad to Naomi. But... Maybe Dean was at the café. It opened at 6:45 every morning, and Dean mentioned that he goes there every day except the weekends right? Maybe he was there. 

The smile that spread on Cas' face was unexpected. He felt so jittery, like a teenage girl about to go on her first date. Cas couldn't stop the butterflies or the urge to see Dean again. He didn't even think twice before walking out the door of the building. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And if any of you readers do have any idea for the story, I'd love to hear them! Sometimes I get writers block, so I'm open to requests of what you guys would like to see happen! Thanks again for reading! :)


	6. All Right Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry that it took so long to update. With school and homework and all that fun stuff, I haven't found a good time to just sit down and write. So please forgive me for that! Anyways, please enjoy this chapter! Tell me if you liked it? I'm not sure I did.  
> (Title: All Right Now- Free)

Dean was sitting at a table at the café alone. He got there only using his cane, too angry to even let Sam follow him out of the door. They were in a heated discussion about how Sam went behind Dean's back to look at some therapists, which didn't exactly sit too well with Dean. He was furious. 

 _I don't need no damn therapist! I'm not crazy and I'm handling my shit just fine._ Dean took a sip of his coffee, and was still sulking, when suddenly Charlie sat down in the chair across Dean with a loud  _Smack!_  It made Dean jump from wallowing in self pity to a defensive stance. 

"Who is that?" His voice was still laced with venom. 

"I'll give you a clue. She's the definition of beauty and always beats your ass at Mario Cart." 

Dean's face relaxed a bit, "Hey, Charlie. What's up?"

"What's up? What's up with you? Why does that frown seem like it is permanent there for the rest of entirety?"

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. He didn't want to get into this right now. He decided a silent answer was the best answer in this case. "Fine. Be that way. Did Castiel come and see you?"

"Cas? Yeah. Why?" 

"Cas? Huh." 

Dean put his elbows on the table, hoping he looked as intimidating as he used to whenever he was irritated. "What? Is it funny that someone actually wanted to spend time with me? Took their sweet time to stop by? 'Huh'?" 

"Whoa, slow down there drama queen. Just find it interesting that he let you give him that nickname. He hates nicknames."

 _What? Why didn't he say anything? If he didn't like nicknames, he could've told me._ Now Dean felt a little guilty. "Sorry, Charlie. Ha. That rhymes. Sorry-Charlie...," Dean scoffs to himself. Dean hid his face with his coffee cup, now embarrassed. 

"Dean. Did you guys hang out? Do the dirty?"

All the air going into Dean's lungs was stopped by a barrier of shock and humiliation. He was coughing like an idiot. "What the fuck?" 

"What? I'm curious! Don't spare any details."

"Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"Come on Dean! Tell me if there was at least some tongue action!"

"No, no. Nope. I-we-N..nothing happened."

"But you did hang out?" 

Dean sighed. "Yes. We went... We talked for a little while." What was up with him? All he did was talk to some guy. Why was talking about this man getting him so flustered? 

"Uh huh. That sounds like bullshit. What really happened? Hmmm, Dean? Tell your queen or lose your head." 

"I'm serious. Nothing fucking happened!" Dean's temper started to falter. He heard Charlie sigh but he still didn't surrender. All he really had was his stubbornness, in 'arguments' likes these. Plus, he didn't care anymore. He just wanted to go home and lay in a ball in the corner with his blankets around him. He didn't want to deal with anything. 

"Dean, please talk to me. Please. I miss you. Heck, we all miss you. Please just talk to us?" 

He knew what Charlie was talking about. Before the accident, they would've been able to joke about him having a crush without him feeling like he was being attacked. He used to spend all his time with Charlie and the rest of his friends, that were more like family. He used to make sarcastic remarks and flirt like there was no tomorrow. But now? He turned into a hermit who gets defensive over everything, as if he thought everyone was out to get him. 

"They keep asking how you are and if you will ever call them. Please, please, talk to them?" Charlie asked, and he felt both of her hands enclose around one of his. She was talking about Bobby and Ellen, most likely. They've always been like parents to him, especially when he needed to get away from his dad when he didn't have anywhere else to go. They were always there for him, and they probably would still be there for him now if he was there to begin with. He's been avoiding them, afraid he'd get nothing but pity from them. He knows he wouldn't, but he can't help but feel that if he went to them for help they would see him as weak. They used to see him as such a strong and brave man but seeing him like this? Blind and helpless? He couldn't stand it. So no. He will keep avoiding them until he magically finds the cure to blindness. 

"No. I can't." One good thing about Charlie was that he knew she knew the truth. She's seen him at his worst, in every possible way, so he didn't mind showing a little emotion in front of her. She also knew when was a good time to tease and when to be serious, a trait that the rest of his family were lacking a little bit. 

"Okay. Okay, I won't push you I promise. But you know you will have to face them sometime right? They aren't going to die without at least knocking some sense into you first." Charlie said in a kind voice, then left the table to go back to work. 

Dean sat there for a little while longer, finishing his coffee, when he heard someone sit across from him again. This was another reason he hated being blind. He was vulnerable at all times and anyone could get the jump on him. Anyone could sit across from him at HIS table, without asking, and maybe steal his pie. Who knows. 

"Charlie, for fuck's sake, just leave me alone," he groaned. 

There was a low chuckle from the person in front of him, and his ears perked at the familiar sound. This couldn't be right. How could he run into this guy AGAIN?

"Hello, Dean. It is Castiel. I'm sorry, I probably should have asked if I could sit here. May I sit here?" His voice sounded like sex and it went straight to Dean's crouch.  _Holy shit this guy should be illegal. What the fuck, is this guy man-made from God himself?_ Dean caught himself in that thought. What was he thinking? That sounded so cliché.  _Get a grip, Winchester!_

"Yeah...," Dean cleared his throat, "Um, yeah. Sure go ahead. Not like I care." 

"Oh good. I'm glad I'm not intruding or anything." 

"Nah. You're all good." 

A silence was rested between them, however it wasn't awkward. Dean always felt that just enjoying someone's presences and not speaking would be highly uncomfortable, but it turns out that it wasn't. He found that he could sit here all day, just knowing that Cas was sitting across from him. 

"Dean? May I ask you something?" Cas broke their quiet streak, but it felt sort of good to hear his voice again. God, Dean loved this guy's voice. 

"Hm? Yeah, go ahead." 

"Would you... liketogoonadatewithme?" The last bit was rushed and Dean couldn't understand one lick of it. 

"Sorry, wanna say that again?" Without knowing what Cas was trying to ask, Dean's nerves weren't spiking. If he could see how nervous Cas looked, Dean would have had the decency to not pull his eyebrows down (in confusion) and made him look extremely scary. Cas was sweating buckets will Dean sat there carelessly. 

"Dinner."

"Dinner? Can you elaborate on that?"

Dean heard Cas let out a deep breath, but it came out a little choppy. "I mean... Would you like to go to dinner." 

"Go to dinner?"

"With me."

"With you?" Now Dean just felt like a parrot. 

"Yes." 

Was Cas asking him on a date? That had to be wrong. Nobody would want to date a sad, lonely, blind guy. That's just crazy. And even if Cas was asking what Dean thought he was, why would he say yes? It wasn't like he liked the guy and thought about him every spare second he had. Nope. Dean wasn't a lovesick character from a teen novel. So no. He would NOT go on a date with the interesting, smooth-voiced, weird yet fucking amazing dude sitting across from him. No. It wasn't going to happen. 

"I... Yeah. Sure."  _What the fuck, Dean! Those were not the words that I was thinking!_

Just before Dean was about to correct himself, though, Cas said, "Really?" There was so much hope and surprise in his voice.  _Damn it. That fucking voice again._  

"When?" 

Dean could practically hear the smile in Cas' voice. "Oh whenever you are free is fine. It could be Friday night or Saturday or-"

"Friday. Friday night sounds fun," Dean cut Cas' rambling off. 

"Friday night it is then. Would you like me to pick you up?" 

Oh god. The way Cas was asking him made it sound like HE was the chick. He wasn't some bitch that needed a man to walk up to his door with flowers and pick him up in his nice, rich car. He was a man, for christ's sake. He could go to wherever Cas wanted to take them and get to the table and order his own food and eat. By himself. He doesn't need to be dependent on anyone. He could do it. By. Him. Self. 

"Yeah, Cas. That sounds great." Again his mouth betrayed him. 

"I will see you then. I must get to work now, or I will be late. It was nice to see you again, Dean." 

He heard Cas get up and start to walk away. "You too, Cas," Dean said, even though he knew the man was gone. 

Dean stood up and grabbed his cane. He was going to walk home and tell Sam.  _"Hey, Sammy, guess what! Your big brother just got a smoking hot date. Yeah, I know I can't see but trust me, this one is sex on a stick."_ Sam will get a kicker from that. Plus, maybe it would make Sam forget about their fight and the stupid idea of sending him to some damn shrink. That was the only reason he wanted to tell Sam. Not because he was excited or anything. 

And with that last thought, Dean smiled all the way home. 


	7. Don't Tread On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super duper short chapter. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry it took so long to post! But I wanted to post a chapter for the premiere of season 12 tonight! It's a little rushed but I gave myself no choice. I needed to post tonight. Especially (spoiler) after that hug? And their cute pushing of the dead chick's car? So cute! Omg.  
> Anyways, this is mostly a little background on Cas. Sorta? I hope you enjoy!  
> (Title: Don't Tread On Me- Metallica)

"I don't care!" Cas screamed into the phone. He was talking to his brother, Michael, who was trying to convince him to do something Cas had refused for years. "I'm not. I am not coming and you can't force me."  _What can you say to my freewill, brother? Hm?_ Cas wanted to scream that to the phone so badly but decided against it. 

"Castiel. Be reasonable. Father is dying and-" Michael's patronizing voice came from the other side of the phone. 

"Father has been 'dying' for five years now! That's a lie and I do not understand why you must keep telling it to me over and over! I'm not coming home!" Cas didn't care that he thew his manners out the door as he spoke with his older brother.  _Michael could go to hell for all I care. If he wanted me to stay home so bad, he shouldn't have kicked me out in the first place!_

The whole Novak family shunned him when he came out as gay his senior year of high school. They threw him out, but he didn't feel sad about it. He was going to go to college anyways and was happy to get out of that hell hole. He was even thinking about changing his last name, recently; he didn't want to be paired up with people like his family. They were all rats and only cared about money and their reputation. (Sadly, no one else saw it that way because the Novak family so happened to own almost over half of the businesses in the state.)

But about five years ago, Michael suspiciously wanted Cas to come back home and take care of their father. He stated that their father had cancer and was in a great deal of pain. Even though Cas had bad social skills, he knew right away that that was a lie. Their father was the definition of healthy (along with many other things). There was no way their father could get sick. And even if he was, Cas and his father have never been close. He was never home and they never bonded. All Cas really knew about him was that he was rich and people were scared of him. That was about it. If his father was on his death bed, Cas would probably come. (It'd be cold not to) But being on your death bed for five years straight? Saying he might die any second? That just didn't sound like his father. 

So no. Cas didn't believe Michael for one second. 

"Castiel... We miss you," Michael said. Although it wasn't the same old lie he has been telling for years, this lie was even worse. 

Cas licked his lips. "Bull shit." Cas didn't curse often, but this seemed like an appropriate time. 

There was silence on the other end of the phone. 

"We need you to come back home, Castiel. It is extremely important. We need to look... Well, the post are writing...not the best things about our family because of you." 

 _Ah. So this is what it is all about._ Of course they would only care about their image. They want Cas to come back home and say that they are giving shelter to their sinful son so they look like good, charity people or something like that. "Well that sounds like a very unpleasant problem. For you. Goodbye, Michael." 

"No, wait, Castiel please stop being a-"

Cas hung up the phone before his brother had a chance to insult him. He didn't need to listen to anything that rat was saying. He didn't know why he didn't hang up the moment he saw Michael calling, honestly. 

Cas rubbed his eyes. Family calls always wore him out. They drained him and he only felt like lying down or screaming at his wall. Which was silly because his wall never did anything bad to him. 

But instead of his usual tiredness, his thoughts wandered to Dean. Thinking about his freckles, plumb lips, and broad shoulders made him relax a bit. Thinking about his smile, laugh, and how he seems to have a deep feeling for everything (even though he hides it) made him forget about his anger towards his family. Thinking about Dean made him feel better. 

_Huh. Interesting._

He found himself wanting to be with Dean and wanting the other man's comfort. That sounded pleasing and that was all Cas was thinking now. 

 _Dean. I need to be with Dean._   _What time is it? Can I go see him now?_

But he didn't want to seem too eager. Cas already has, probably, creeped Dean out. Going to his door, again? Just because he was upset over his brother calling? That was a new level Cas didn't feel like going to. 

Plus it was almost eleven at night. That would be a very bad idea to go to do Dean right now. 

Maybe a walk will help and clear his head. Cas sighed as he grabbed his jacket on his way out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I have a plan on what's going to happen next. I was going to write it in this chapter, but as I said before, I wanted to get this out there because of the episode tonight.  
> Please leave a review and tell me what you think? I'd love to hear from you guys! :) Thanks so much for reading!


	8. I'm Not In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry this took forever to update. But with school and stuff it is hard to remember to keep updating this. Sorry about that!  
> Anyways I hope you enjoy this! And don't worry, I'm not abandoning this just yet. I have a plan on what I want to happen with these two (*insert evil laughter*)   
> (Title: I'm Not In Love- 10cc)

Dean smiled at the memory of telling Sam about what happened at the coffee shop. Sure, Sam freaked at him for going alone but Dean avoided that subject wanting to steer clear of another fight. He told Sam about how Cas asked him to dinner and it didn't go at all like he thought. He was flustered and nervous, instead of the cool he was going for. Luckily, Sam didn't tease him too much. He could HEAR the smile in Sam's voice, however, as they were talking. That only made Dean blush more. 

"What does Cas even look like?" Dean asked out loud. They were sitting and eating whatever Sam tried to cook. It tasted like noodles, smelled like burnt popcorn, and Sam insisted that it was supposed to be a sandwich. They just finished talking about what happened when Dean went to the café a few hours ago. It was the first time in awhile that they sat down together and had a long conversation that didn't end in shouting. It warmed Dean's heart, although he didn't know why this change suddenly happened. 

"Cas? Well... He's a little shorter than you. Blue eyes. I mean crazy blue. Has brown hair that... Well it looks like sex hair-"

"Sam!" Dean said while chewing. He swallowed and took a minute trying not to laugh. "So he's basically my type?"

Dean heard Sam chuckle, "Definitely. But isn't he a little... I don't know. Weird?" 

Dean nodded. Yeah, Cas was weird. But that was what Dean liked about him. He wasn't some douche hook up or some cocky dick who thought they could get anything with their good looks. Cas was kind, and apparently hot, and it made Dean feel like he made Cas up in a computer or something. 

"Hey, Dean. While we're in a good mood...," Sam started but stopped. 

"Yeah?" Dean questioned. What was Sam getting at?

"I still think you should talk to Pamela. Don't give me shit about seeing a shrink is for girls, again, man. I mean, Cas seems like he's good for you. You're smiling and talking with me... But I still think you should see her."

Instead of snapping at Sam, like he usually did, he thought about what his little brother said. Was he really smiling again? And look at what he is doing right now. He's talking with Sam and they were acting like brothers again. He isn't snapping and actually listening to Sam for once. Was that all because of Cas? Did this man already have that much of an effect on him? 

Should he see Pamela? Maybe he doesn't need to anymore because he has Cas. He should be fine now, right? Or at least more fine than he was before. No. He doesn't need a therapist. Nope. 

"Dean... You are still having nightmares and that isn't going to stop just because of Cas. You can't depend all your happiness on one person. Please. Just one session then you don't have to see her unless you want to. Please? For me?"

Damn it. Dean could picture Sam doing his puppy eyes. And just picturing them made him want to give in. "Fine. Fuck it. Fine." Dean said as he got up and tried to walk to the door. 

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. A walk. Don't come with me. I agreed to go to your stupid shrink so at least let me walk by myself without holding your hand." Dean said with a huff. 

 "It's eleven at night."

"Does it seem like I give a shit?" Dean said and slammed the door as he walked away from the house. He started to walk, shoving his hands in his pockets, for a good long while when he noticed something crucial. Something extremely important. 

He forgot his stick. He fucking forgot his damn stick. 

And his phone. 

So he was lost and blind. Literally. 

_Well fuck._

 

* * *

 

 

Cas was walking along the sidewalk when he saw a figure. He tried to look more closely by narrowing his eyes and saw that the figure was a man. A tall and strong looking man. A familiar looking man. 

"Dean?" Cas whispered to himself. 

The man had his hands in his jean pockets and seemed frustrated. It couldn't be Dean. The man didn't have a stick to guide him around or someone helping him so he didn't walk into the middle of the street or something. 

Cas kept walking closer, and the closer he got the easier it was to see that this was Dean. He looked lost and was just standing there as if he didn't know what to do. He still had his sunglasses on and was sort of pacing. He walked one way then another and then back again, but looked afraid that he would trip. 

Cas came up to Dean and tapped his shoulder. Not the smartest move but Cas was just glad to see Dean in the first place. Dean whipped around and brought up his hands as if to defend himself. 

"Hello, Dean," Cas said so that Dean knew it was him. 

Cas saw Dean relax a bit and return his hands back into his pockets. "Cas? Jesus. You scared the shit out of me."

"My apologies." 

Dean laughed, as if what Cas said was humorous. 

"What are you doing out here, Dean?" Cas asked. He titled his head unconsciously. Dean only laughed again and put his hand through his short hair. 

"I don't know. I don't."

Cas only became more confused. How could someone not know why they were outside? 

"What are you doing out here, Cas?" Dean said with a smirk. 

"I came out for a walk to...clear my head in a sense. But I should have brought a flashlight. It is quite dark out now, isn't it?" Cas said with a shrug. 

"Hmph. I guess I wouldn't know, huh?" Dean said with a laugh. Then he froze. His laugh seemed to get stuck in his throat and he looked like someone shot him square in the chest. 

"Dean?" 

Dean cleared his throat. What was wrong with him? Did Cas say something wrong? 

"Dean, are you okay?" Cas moved a bit closer to Dean. He saw that his lips were moving and could barely hear what he must've been saying under his breath. 

"I made a joke about it... I laughed about it..." Dean kept mumbling. 

"Joke about what? Dean?" 

Then Dean's smile returned. It looked a little more haunted than before. He threw his head back and chuckled harder than Cas has ever seen him laugh before. He laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed so hard that his breaths started to sound like he was barking. Cas stood there obvious to what was going on and what was so hilarious.

After a good five minutes, Dean bended to place his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Woo! Man!"

Cas bent down a bit too, to see if he could read Dean's expression better. "Dean?"

"Cas. You have no idea how..." Dean straightened up and didn't finish his first sentence, "I made a joke about my blindness, man. I made a joke and it didn't hurt."

Cas stayed silent. He felt that Dean needed a minute to say whatever was on his mind. Even if the pauses between his sentences were long.

"I made a joke. I'm going to a therapist and I'm joking and smiling and eating noodle sandwiches..."

Dean huffed another soft laugh. Cas felt so confused and misinformed. But he felt that this man needed something from him. "Dean, would you like to grab something to eat? I am hungry and could use a little snack."

Dean shrugged. "Only if you will be my seeing eye dog."

"Yes. Where is your stick, Dean? Did you drop it?"

"Nah. Was stupid enough to leave it behind. The blind man forgot his own eyes. Ha."

Cas smiled and put his elbow out for Dean to grab. He guided Dean's hand to it and they both started walking towards town.

"This doesn't count as our date, by the way. We have to do that properly. This is just two buds hanging out," Dean added.

Cas smiled again, "Whatever you say, Dean."  


	9. Stressed Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THE NOTES!  
> So I was rereading this and I noticed that I said Michael (Cas' brother) worked at the same place that Cas did. But I also wrote that Cas got a call from Michael to come back home. That doesn't make sense, so I just wanted to clear things up. I'm too lazy to go back and rewrite the chapters-so I'm saying that Michael still does work at Cas' work place, and nags him at work too when he isn't busy. He wants both of them to go back home and all that fun stuff. Sorry if that is unrealistic, but that's what I'm going with.  
> Thank you all for your reviews and sticking with this story. I'm so sorry it has taken me FOREVER to write the next chapter. You guys are really the only reason this story is here, so thank you so much. <3 You guys are the best!  
> Also, this chapter sort of wrote itself. I have a new idea I want to try out, so bare with me. This will make sense later.  
> (Title: Stressed Out- Twenty One Pilots)

When Cas and Dean got to the diner, it was more empty than they expected. It was always packed, since it was the best diner in town (and probably the only one that didn't have rats in the kitchen) so seeing it so empty was a surprise. Dean could tell because the only noises he heard was from some waitress chewing her nails behind the counter. It was so loud and it bothered him. She was probably some teenager that needed a job because she felt like she had to have something on her resume.

But besides her, Dean was assuming, the place was bare. And that made him nervous. Extremely nervous. He was so nervous he was afraid he was sweating just a little bit.

They both sat down at a booth and Dean heard the girl make her way over to where they were sitting. 

"What can I get for you guys?" Her voice sounded too squeaky, like it belonged to a valley girl. She sounded annoyed. The place was probably close to closing time, and she didn't want to serve them.  _Bitch._

Before Dean could answer, which would probably have been just a 'uh, I dunno', Cas ordered for the both of them. "We'll both take some coffee, and maybe some eggs and bacon?" 

"Okay," the girl said with an obvious irritated attitude and walked away. Leaving Dean alone with Cas. And he could FEEL the man staring at him. 

_Just breathe. Come on. You've been on dates with plenty of girls and guys. Why would this be different?_

_Well it's different because it is NOT a date!_

Dean's breath picked up pace a bit. 

"Dean?" Cas broke the silence between them. 

"Y...Yeah? Yeah, Cas?" Dean coughed awkwardly. 

"Are you alright? Is this about what happened before we came in here?"

 _Oh yeah. That._ That was embarrassing. He was a grown man, god damn it, and he was laughing (crying?) in the middle of a sidewalk in front of a, probably, very hot guy. And that happened only... ten minutes ago? What was he thinking? 

Dean only cleared his throat. He didn't know what to say, so he wasn't going to say anything. 

"It's okay, you know," Cas stated. But thing was, Dean didn't know. What was okay? That he made a fool of himself? That he made a joke about being blind? That he was sweating bullets because he was on a not-date with Cas? 

Luckily, Cas decided that conversation was over. He, not so smoothly, changed the subject, "Want to know something interesting about bees?" 

Dean laughed. "Bees?"

"They are amazing creatures, Dean. Bees are the backbone of our world." 

Dean laughed harder. "BEES?" 

Dean and Cas started cracking up together. Until the girl came back with their coffees and slammed the mugs onto the table, making Dean jump. "Enjoy." 

Dean felt around the table for his coffee, found the mug, and brought it to his lips. It was hot but he didn't care. Cas was watching him again. Why was this guy always watching him so intensely? He never knew that a person's stare could be felt, as if it was a physical piece of matter. "Okay, dude. Stop it." 

"Stop what?" Cas sounded surprised. 

"Stop staring at me. Again. What is it? Do I have something on my face?" 

"No, no. I... I was just... I was just... You don't put sugar in your, uh, coffee..." Cas stumbled his words. Busted. 

Dean scoffed, "Nah. I like my coffee black. Like my soul." Dean grinned. 

Cas sighed, "That is not true. Your soul is bright and full of color." 

Dean stopped moving. 

_What the fuck? Who says that on a first date?_

_He can say whatever he wants, remember? It ISN'T a date!_

Dean still couldn't find words. Who would call HIS soul bright? Full of color? He was sort of joking when he said his soul was black, in a sense. Dean thought that his soul was taken long ago. So a soul couldn't be black, if there was no soul in the first place right? 

"Sorry. That was not appropriate, was it?" Dean pictured Cas shrugging. He pictured Cas wiping his sweaty hands on his thighs and shaking his head at himself. It made Dean smile a bit. 

Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead. He started talking, and he didn't really hear the words as they came out of his mouth. It was like a comfort spell unlocked his jaw, "It's all good. Ha. You know, there was this one guy I used to know. He was a real dick. I hated him and he hated me. We had to partner up for this project during high school, in my chemistry class. Now, this guy... You got to understand. He never got scared. He was one of those guys that would jump off a roof just to make a point and took every dare that was thrown at him. Sometimes did stupid shit without needing to be dared to. You get me? Not a good guy. Lots of trouble, but he wasn't no coward. Okay? So we're partners and I actually knew what I was doing. We were making some type of reaction. All I knew was that we had to blow something up. I'm good at that shit, right? I know that shit. Anyways, I started going to work and then look at him. He's sweating through all his layers of clothing and looks paler than snow. He was so nervous. Wanna know why?" Dean paused, "He was afraid he was going to burn his eyebrows off. He was retaking the class, so he's done this before. The first time he did this project his eyebrows were burnt off. He was fucking scared of burning his bushy eyebrows off!" 

He heard Cas laugh. He forgot why he was telling the story in the first place. He was talking about Alistair... Why was he talking about him? They hated each others guts. Hell, they got into more fights in one month than any other kid did in their whole high school career. He might even have a scar or two from a pretty nasty fist fight they had once. It was ugly. 

Why was he talking about Alistair? He hasn't thought about that bag of dicks in years. 

"He... I didn't say anything, you know? I could've made fun of him. He would've deserved it. Shit, he deserved a lot worse... But... I gave him eye goggles. I told him to stand a foot behind me. I said I'll do it, so he won't get blown up or nothing. I didn't want him to burn his eyebrows off if it scared him shitless. I didn't want his eyebrows to burn off..." Dean trailed off again. Why the hell was he telling Cas this? 

"That was very kind of you," Cas said in a sweet voice. Why was he being nice? God damn. This guy confused him. He didn't have a soul anymore, so why was Cas treating him like he did?

"So... My point was... Was... Something..." Dean rubbed his face with both hands. 

He heard the girl coming back over to the table. Probably with their food. That was what waitresses did. They served the food that you ordered. That's how restaurants and diners work. So why did it feel like every time he heard the clicky clack of her shoes, every time he knew she was getting closer, his chest contracted more and more. 

"Dean?" 

Dean shook his head. And then kept shaking it. It felt like his head wouldn't stop shaking left to right. What was going on?

"Dean."

The clicky clack wouldn't stop. Click. Clack. Click. Clack. 

"Dean!"

Dean felt hands on his shoulders. Instinct took over and swatted at whoever was touching him. He heard a loud SMACKing noise. 

"Get off me!" Dean yelled. He yelled loudly and it hurt his throat. 

He got up, which he now noticed he was on his knees on the floor, and started to walk towards where he thought the door was. He bumped into a few stray tables, not noticing one bit, but somehow made it out of the diner. 

The cold air slapped his face, and he fell to his knees and hands. He didn't realize he was crying into the wind like a mad man. 


	10. Thin Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are seriously the best! When I first started writing this fic, I thought that no one was going to read it. Blind!Dean fics are usually never popular. So thank you so much for reading and leaving those wonderful comments. You guys inspire me to write this and I could never explain how thankful I am.   
> Also, I'm sorry if this fic is unrealistic. I wrote this because I was in love with all of you and your comments, and thought that maybe you would enjoy a quicker update. So if anything is unrealistic, that's because I didn't take my time on this... Sorry!  
> (Title: Thin Ice- Pink Floyd)

Cas was in shock. Everything was fine a minute ago. 

They were walking down the sidewalk together to the diner and were joking around. It was nice. Cas felt like Dean and him were really connecting, even more so then before. Like they were actually friends now. 

Then they got to the diner. 

Dean looked scared and fidgety the minute they walked in. Why was that? And then that story Dean told. The story about some guy that Dean didn't get along with. Cas was so confused. Dean was obviously leaving out lots of details, including the point to his story. The only thing that Cas took away from it was that he was starting to fall for Dean. He helped a guy he strongly disliked, borderline hated, for no reason at all except that the guy was scared. Dean was an amazing character. His soul was bright and his heart was big. He admired him and wanted to spend all his time with him. 

Then, suddenly, it happened. Cas didn't know how to react. 

Dean's breathing pace grew. He looked like he was wobbling, even though he was sitting down, and Cas could see the sweat rolling down from his forehead. 

_What the heck?_

The next thing he knew, Dean fell out of the booth and onto the floor. He could hear Dean's gasps of breath, could see his body trembling with obvious fear... And he just fell on the hard floor, which had to have hurt. 

Dean was having some type of panic attack. Or a flashback. He didn't know. 

Cas had NO idea what to do. He had never seen anyone have a panic attack and never thought he would. It was something that was talked about in a high school health class, briefly, and he never really listened anyways. What was he supposed to do? 

The teenager from before, who was waiting on them, was approaching them slowly. Cas didn't even notice. He was laser-focused on Dean. 

Cas got out of the booth and down onto his knees. "Shit... Shit...," he mumbled under his breath. 

Dean wasn't calming down. He was far gone and Cas didn't know how to bring him back. 

 _Shit, shit, shit!_ _Everything was fine just a minute ago!_

Now Cas started to sweat and his pulse raised. He finally looked up to the teenager, who's eyes were as big as golf balls, and screamed at her, "What are you doing just standing there! Bring me some water, or ice, or whatever the hell you have!" Cas had no idea why he asked for those things. He had no knowledge if those things would help... He was clueless. 

He bent down so that he could see Dean's face better. Dean's sunglasses slipped off his face when he fell to the floor, and Cas could see his eyes. He could see that the once beautiful green that filled his eyes were clouded over. He could see that tears were streaming down his face and all his fear were trapped in his eyes. His eyes were stunning...

_Castiel, stop thinking about his eyes. We've got a problem here, remember?_

"Dean?" Cas said in a soft voice. The sound of his voice seemed to make Dean even more scared. Dean got onto his butt and scooted as far away as he could, until he hit a table behind him. 

"Dean." Cas tried again, with his voice still soft but the volume turned up a bit. Maybe if Dean could recognize that it was him, Castiel, talking then he would snap out of it. 

Cas got closer to Dean and put his hands on Dean's shoulders. "Dean!" 

Dean's blind eyes grew huge. He stopped breathing, and only for a second did Cas think that maybe his heart was beating too fast and it failed on him. Instead, after time seemed to freeze, Dean spazzed. 

"GET OFF ME!" Dean howled and threw his arms at Cas. Luckily, he was blind, so it wasn't like he was aiming at Cas or anything. Unluckily, Dean was still a pretty strong dude. He knew how to throw a punch. So when Dean's shaking fist connected with his jaw, and Cas heard a loud SMACK noise, he was shot to the ground and his head bounced on the floor.

He tried to keep his eyes opened and trailed on Dean, but the room started to spin. He barely saw Dean rush out the doors in a clumsy hurry, before he blacked out. 

* * *

 

He could hear the people around him. Voices above him saying things like "Should I call 911?" and "What the fuck happened, Maggie!?" So at least he knew he wasn't dead. 

Cas started to open his eyes, slowly, hating how bright the lights above him were. He definitely had a concussion; he could feel his head pounding. 

"Dude? Hey, Benny, the guy is awake!" The teenager, who Cas guessed was Maggie by this point, called over another man. He was tall and gruffy looking. If Cas wasn't as tired as he felt, he would've had the energy to feel intimated. Cas guessed this was Benny. 

"Hey, brother, slow down. You took a pretty nasty hit," Benny's voice was coated with a southern accent, that was somehow calming. The contrast to his looks was astonishing. 

"I-I'm okay," Cas mumbled. He used his elbows to start to get up, and Benny easily helped him get the rest of the way there. He picked him up like he weighed nothing and set him in a chair. 

"You okay?" Benny was bending down so he could see Cas eye to eye. 

"Yeah... Yes. Yes, I'll be okay." Cas rubbed his jaw, where Dean had punched him. There was, no doubt, a bruise and it ached something fierce. 

Wait... Dean punched him. 

_OH MY GOD. DEAN._

"I've got to find my friend," Cas said with a strong voice, "My friend he was..." 

"He's the one who clocked you out? That friend?" Maggie said from behind Benny, putting her hands on her hips. She looked even more annoyed than before, which Cas didn't think was possible. And it made him mad at what she said. How could she blame Dean for punching him, when clearly Dean wasn't in a right state of mind. 

He didn't feel like arguing with the girl, however, so he ignored her comment, "I need to find him. Right now." Benny nodded. He looked at Cas, probably seeing the determined look on his face, and nodded again. 

"He's outside," was all Benny needed to say before Cas was on his feet and rushing outside. He didn't care that he felt like he was going to fall on his face or that, when he came outside, it was snowing.

What he expected to see was something simple. Like maybe Dean pacing back and forth, or something. But what he saw... Cas would never be able to get that image out of his head again. 

It was Dean. He was lying on his side, crying hysterically, and he's obviously been there for awhile. The snow was starting to pile up on top of him and his clothes were soaked. The snot coming from his nose was frozen ice. His skin was starting to turn purple. 

But the worst part was that Dean's face was bright red. Right underneath his eyes, and on his eyelids, was where it was worse. The skin underneath his eyes were bleeding. The tears would get mixed with this, and it looked like he was crying blood. 

And Cas knew exactly how Dean got those scratches. He was scratching at his eyes. 

"D...Dean," Cas said hesitantly. He really didn't want to see the fear in Dean's eyes again the way he saw back in the diner. He had to approach this cautiously, this time. 

He slowly walked over to Dean, quietly saying his name. Luckily, this time it seemed to break through whatever Dean was going through. He kept crying, but he wasn't screaming anymore. 

"I'm going to come close to you now, okay?" He crouched down so he could get close to Dean. 

"I'm going to touch you now, okay?" Cas snail-slow brought his hand down onto the top of Dean's head. He brushed back some of his hair, making Dean close his eyes. He kept petting his head, which Dean didn't react badly or violently too. 

They were both cold and Cas' pants were soaked from the snow on the ground. But he didn't give one fuck. He had to take care of Dean. 

And luckily, Dean started to come back. 

_Thank God_ _..._

"Dean, everything is going to be okay. I promise. No one is going to hurt you," Cas said with a little smile. Dean nodded and kept crying silently. 

And, seemingly out of nowhere, Dean crawled over to be in Cas' lap. He placed his head onto Cas' chest and sighed deeply. Cas brought his arms to come around Dean and hummed encouraging words into his ear. 

"It's okay... I'm here... You are safe..." 

Cas didn't notice, he started crying too. 


	11. Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry I've been gone for so long! I have no real excuse... I just didn't know where this story was heading and where to take it or anything. In fact, I still don't know where this story is going... I'm just improvising now. Hopefully it'll turn out semi-okay.  
> Again, sorry for leaving for so long. Thanks to anyone who is sticking with me and this story. You have no idea how much that means to me! Thank you!! <3  
> All mistakes are mine. Enjoy this chapter!  
> (Title: Something- The Beatles)

Somehow Cas ended up half picking up Dean and taking him to his car. He drove to his own house, since Dean was still crying and probably wouldn't be able to tell him his home address, and half picked him up again to get him in the house. 

He quickly put Dean in his own bed and pulled the covers up till they were touching his chin. Dean, now only having silent tears stream down his face, had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily. He fell asleep quicker than Cas ever seen a human do. It was actually quite impressive. 

Cas went to the bathroom and took a washcloth under hot water, came back and rubbed it on Dean's face to clean the frozen snot and blood. 

"Oh, Dean," Cas mumbled, feeling own tears starting to prickle at the edge of his eyes. 

He has never seen such suffering in a human before. Just from that panic attack, Cas could see that Dean was hiding so much pain and hurt that he didn't want the world to ever see. Sadly, that much bottled up and it was bound to explode. Guess that night was the time. 

This time, Cas didn't even feel the tears on his own face. 

He got up and decided that Dean was going to be fine. The scratches weren't deep and his skin was starting to turn to a normal color. It made him think, if he was just a little later Dean might've gotten seriously hurt, physically. Hypothermia, for starters. 

 _Shit. What about Dean's brother? He's going to flip if he doesn't come home!_  

Cas looked around to see if he could find Dean's phone, and then figured out he didn't have one. 

_Of course he didn't have one. Why would he have a phone if he couldn't see the keyboard or anything? Stupid... I guess Dean is just going to have to sleep here tonight. I'll tell his brother what happened as soon as I take him to his home._

Cas sat down in a chair, looking at Dean. He decided he quite liked how the man slept. Even with the scratch marks on his eyes, he still looked beautiful. He looked peaceful, as if a layer of guilt and sadness was peeled away from him. Cas decided, later, that this was the spot he could've turned back and stopped himself from loving Dean Winchester. This was the time he should've stepped away and saved himself from a world of hurt. Because knowing Dean was the most painful experience Cas would ever have. Yet, he would enjoy every second of it. 

 

* * *

 

When Dean woke up, an awful stinging came from his eyes. At first, he thought how could that be? He was already blind, how could his eyes feel anything anymore? But then, when he touched the scratches and felt the still opened wounds, he knew what happened. 

Everything started to flood back into his head. 

The diner. The panic attack. The sense of losing control and not knowing what was happening. 

He must've scratched at his eyes or something. That was the only scenario he could come up with. 

But if that was true, why did he feel like he was in a comfortable, warm bed? 

_Did someone kidnap me? Did I pass out and am I about to be murdered?_

Of course, Dean's imagination went wild. Not being able to see made him expect the worst possibility to take place. 

Like when he heard the door open, he expected some creep to come at him and try to slice him. So he jumped from the bed and got in a fighting stance, and let out an unconscious growl. 

"Come at me, fuck face! I might be blind but I ain't weak! Come on!" Dean screamed. 

A familiar laugh made Dean's face turn to a bright, bright shade of red. 

"I know that, Dean. Trust me, I have a bruise to prove it," Cas said. Guilt swamped Dean, when he remembered he heard a smacking noise back at the diner when someone touched him. He must've punched Cas. 

"Oh, Jesus... Cas, I'm so sorry," Dean said, relaxing a bit, "I didn't... I mean I.. You know... I..." He couldn't come up with the words to express how awful he felt. He used to get into fights all the time and his fists have connected with many people's faces many times, but they usually deserved it. He had never punched someone who he liked, though. 

"Dean..., " Cas started but stopped himself. Dean knew he wanted to ask so many questions. But was he ready to answer them? Any of them? 

"I, uh, need to get home. Sammy is probably throwing a fit, like the girl he is. Where are we exactly?" he asked. 

"My home." 

_Well, duh, should've guessed that._

"Ah. You have a nice... uh... bed..." 

_Smooth, Winchester. Real smooth._

"Thank you, Dean. I'll take you to your home, if you'd like. Just give me the address."

"Right."

He gave him the address, which Cas plugged into his smart phone. Dean was surprised Cas would know how to use technology at all, but that might have been because Dean himself wasn't the smartest with keeping up with today's technology stuff. 

Cas guided Dean to his car and they started to drive. The ride was completely silent, except for the GPS. 

"We are here," Cas said, right as the GPS said "You have arrived at your destination". 

Dean put his hand on the door handle, with all intent of getting out and never seeing Cas again (he was too embarrassed after everything that happened), but paused. Sure, he was terrified that Cas saw him at a weak spot and 'took care of him', but did he really never want to see this guy ever again? Never hear his calm voice? 

"I, uh, yeah. Thank you for... You know..." Dean mumbled, Cas barely heard him. 

"Of course, Dean. And just so you know..." Cas hesitated, "I'd like to... hang out again."

This surprised Dean. The last thing he expected was Cas to want to be around him again. The thought filled him with a warmth that he didn't know how to identify. But it made him smile. 

"Yeah. Yeah me too. And now you know where I live, so come by anytime. I mean that. So. Yeah," Dean said quickly, before jumping out of the car and walking up to the front door by memory. However, he did turn around and waved to where he hoped Cas' car was to say goodbye. 

He heard a car drive off as he knocked on the door, with that stupid smile still smacked across his face. 

It disapeared, however, as soon as he heard Sam, "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudo or a comment! I'd appreciate it! :)


	12. Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a huge mistake. Last chapter probably made no sense because Cas already knew where Dean and Sam lived. So I'm going to pretend that what actually happened was Dean told Cas he didn't want to go home, and I hope you guys pretend with me. I'm really sorry if that confused anyone!  
> Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Again, I don't really know where this story is heading so...  
> All mistakes are mine.  
> (Title: Pressure- Billy Joel)

"Calm down," Dean said to Sam, walking past him, "Went to the diner and stayed at a friend's house. No biggie."

Dean heard Sam scoff, "Besides Charlie, you have no friends anymore Dean!" That stung. Dean knew that he blew it with all his old friends, and being reminded of it never helped him feel any better. "And what the fuck happened to your eyes?"

But Dean pretended that it didn't bother him and ignored Sam's last comment, "Yeah well you're wrong. I have plenty of friends!"

"Yeah? Like who?"

"Cas!"

Sam was silent to that. So Dean took that as his cue to leave. He put his hands out in front of him to make sure he didn't hit anything, even though he's practically memorized the house already. He found his way to his bedroom upstairs and fell face first into his single pillow. He was exhausted. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep. 

 

* * *

 

 Cas could hear screaming coming from inside the Winchester house. Was it creepy that he was still parked in front of their house, sort of eavesdropping on what they were saying? Okay, maybe not 'sort of'. He was totally eavesdropping. 

And when Cas heard that Dean considered him a friend, his heart skipped a beat. Cas didn't have many friends, either, and it felt good to hear that someone cared for his friendship. Especially since that person was Dean. 

After that the yelling stopped and the house was dead silent. Cas was about to pull away and drive home, until he heard Sam's voice, "Yeah, hey Bobby. I know, I should've called. But with Dean... he's just such a handful and I couldn't find a time to talk. But I need your help. I got him to agree to see a therapist-... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah I know but-... Yeah anyways-... Yeah I know. Problem is I think he might back out. Yeah-... I know big surprise. I just need your help to convince him-... I know you haven't talked to him since the accident. I know that. But I think he might listen to you. And if he doesn't, at least you guys will be talking right?"

Cas held his breath as he waited to hear more. He was surprised he could hear Sam so clearly, when he noticed that Sam has walked out onto the front porch to talk to this Bobby character. 

Sam continued talking, "Ha, yeah I know. I'm really sorry, again, Bobby. We both miss you too, although I don't think Dean would ever admit it... John?" Sam paused, and even from his car Cas could see Sam's face pale a bit. "I'm fine. Especially now that I know the truth... I don't think Dean will ever be okay again." 

Sam said his good byes and hung up the phone as he walked back inside. 

Cas felt that his eavesdropping went from semi-innocent to a crime. He felt that he had heard something that was never meant for his ears, unless it was directly said to him. 

But that didn't stop him from being curious. Who was John? What was the truth that made Dean never able to be okay again? Why was Sam so eager to believe there was no hope for his older brother? Who was Bobby? Why haven't Dean and Sam talked to him in awhile? And since when did Dean agree to go to a therapist? 

Sam's phone call did nothing but make Cas have even more questions about the Winchesters. He was so desperate to know what was going on; he always had the worst habit of being extremely nosey. But he stopped himself from walking up to their door and demanding answers. He knew that they probably valued their privacy and Cas didn't want to ruin his friendship with Dean. Whatever was blooming between the two of them was new and still fragile, so he didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize it. 

Cas pulled away and started to drive home, biting his lip in nervousness. He still felt awful about what he did and couldn't get Sam's phone call out of his head. Hopefully a good book at home would get his mind off of the whole mess that was created. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love if you guys left a comment or a kudo! Thanks!


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